Hi Doobie

Hi Doobie,

Where do I start baby?  I guess I can start by saying how very much I love and miss you.  There are very few moments in each and every day, in which I am not thinking of you in some way.  You are always on my mind baby…always.  I sometimes wonder if that will ever change.  Perhaps over time, it will change. I don’t know, I rather doubt it though.  I don’t think I will ever stop missing you.  It’s impossible, you are all I think about…throughout the day, every day, you are all I think about.  How I miss talking to you.  How I miss being around you and seeing you just being you.

Don’t get me wrong Doob, I am finally getting better.  It has taken nearly two years for me to acknowledge and to accept the love of my life will never again walk through my doors.  I come to realize I will never again have that unconditional love, I will forever have to live without you, and I now know…I will manage without you.  I still have days where my emotions go berserk, but really those days are far in-between now.  I am finally starting to not only feel better, but actually I can acknowledge my whole being is a little better.  This is a huge accomplishment.  (Huge…spelled correctly! HA!)  However, to acknowledge I will never again experience that unconditional love given me by you, is another story.  I guess this is what has held me back in moving forward…I know this now.  But I am nonetheless moving forward.  I know you are somewhere smiling for me, and cheering me on.  I also know you have been here with me this entire time, helping me through this dark passage of time.  Thank you baby…I love you so much for that.  What would I have done without your help?

So much has happened since you have departed this world.  For the last couple months I have finally been going through all the pictures…pictures of our lives together before my whole world fell apart.  I have gone through so many pictures…I guess I should feel lucky, I at least have all these pictures of you and of your father.  Like any parent of an only child, I throughout time, took countless photos of you.  I cannot tell you how many photos I have come across with you and your father together, you and me together, you and Tina, you and Stevie, and pictures of the three of us together.  And now they are all I have to fall back on.  I came across photos of you at 3 or maybe 4 years of age.  I had forgotten what a happy child you were.  You, in the pictures were laughing, playing, and just having a fun time.  How I miss your laugh and your beautiful smile.  How I miss that beautiful sound of your voice. 

I will be joining you one day, you and dad…I will one day be joining you both, at which time we will all be happy again.  This is something I fully believe.  We will all unite one day.  I don’t know when, but one day when my time is up, I will be there with you. 

Meanwhile please know I am always loving you…

Mom